ORIGINS AND BASICS

Through evolution, our non-verbal communication has been replaced by something far more effective; our speech. The English language currently has around 750,000 words for our use to communicate.

The average person however, only has a vocabulary that they understand, of around 5,000 words, and uses a mere 1,200 each day in regular speech. And yet in the course of a day, we use far more than 12,000 non-verbal signals.

Let's go back to a time around 1,000,000 years ago. Historians tell us that we had very limited use of words or sounds, and that we have developed our speech and sounds, over hundreds of thousands of years.

If we only had limited speech, how did we communicate?

We communicated with our non-verbal signals, our body language.

Let's look at some basics.

HEAD NOD …….. is universally an affirmation, a positive gesture indicating agreement. When we lower our head we are signalling approval, agreement, acceptance. Our head nod in the UK, and most places around the world, is a shortened version of a bow.

Early Japanese would bow to show respect to their leaders. The importance of the person being bowed to, or the amount of respect being given, determined how low the bow would be. The greater the importance of the person, the lower the bow needed to that person.

The most important person was the Japanese Emperor. His subjects would kneel on the floor and put their forehead on the floor. The ultimate respectful bow.

The lowering of the head indicates respect. It's usually accompanied by loss of eye contact. Eye contact indicates confidence, and further extended eye contact is aggression.

Loss of eye contact indicates submission, and therefore acceptance. It's not difficult to see how over the years, acceptance and submission, by lowering the head and retaining eye contact, would be shortened to head nodding for agreement.

There are a very few countries around the world such as parts of Southern Italy, where the head nod means the reverse. There is in fact a border of towns in Southern Italy where some Italians nod for "yes" and some for "no".

HEAD SHAKE …….. In the majority of countries means a negative gesture indicating no, refusal, denial or disagreement. Let's look at the origin. Imagine feeding a baby who's had enough food. As you try to feed the baby, the child moves it's head from side to side, to stop you from putting the food in its mouth.

This, aligned with a feeling of negativity, generates the negative gesture. The gesture also becomes an absorbed gesture, as the child learns from its parents that a head shake means no.

FINGER SHAKE …….. Align this now to the index finger shake. This finger shake, moved side to side, is a shortened version of the head shake, indicating the same meaning.

In parts of Western Asia, e.g., India, Pakistan and Bengal, the head is alternatively shaken and nodded, in a circular motion to indicate affirmation and agreement. It’s a positive gesture, which to us in the UK, is very confusing.

FINGER POINT…….. When the index finger is pointed, it's either used consciously to indicate direction, or unconsciously (without your awareness), to indicate aggression. Early civilisations would point and prod a spear, or sharpened stick at enemies, or threatening animals. The pointing and prodding was threatening and defensive behaviour.

OPEN PALMS ……….Universally this is used to indicate openness and honesty. Stone-age people would show they had no weapons in their hands, by showing their hands were empty.

CLOSED PALMS …….This is a controlling gesture, typically used when telling people what to do. It’s an influencing gesture.

An officer in most countries, will salute with their palm face down, index finger touching their forehead.

The salute has its origin from years ago, when the ‘hat wearers’ would tip their hat to greet people, to show respect. Typically this would be mainly a male gesture, indicating a greeting with respect.

The fact that the palm remains down, indicates it’s a more controlling gesture.

The hat, when tipped fully, would have included a bow which showed great respect, the palm of the hand would have turned open holding the hat, showing openness, sincerity and honesty.

WHAT MESSAGES DO YOU PICK UP FROM THE FOLLOWING GESTURES?

• Folded arms. · Arms behind head.

• Crossed legs. · Sat back.

• Turned up foot. · Sat forward.

• Wringing of hands. · Fingers or hands over mouth.

Folded arms - Can be negative, uncomfortable.

Crossed legs - Can be negative, uncomfortable.

Turned up foot - Can be negative, tension.

Wringing of hands - Frustration, tension, discomfort.

Arms behind head - Very confident. Can be arrogant.

Sat back - Can be negative.

Sat forward - Shows interest.

Fingers or hands over mouth - Deceit, holding back.

Raised eyebrows:

• Amazement.
• Surprise.
• Shock.
• Accompanied with a nod, is a greeting.

Smiling with one eyebrow raised: mischief.

Ambivalent with one eyebrow raised:

• Surprise.
• Disbelief.
• Arrogance.

EYES (AS YOU SEE THEM)

Eyes - upward to the right (their left).

Trying to recall memories.

Eyes - upwards to the left (their right).

Creating visual images (we think in pictures).

A hand over the mouth whilst talking indicates deceit. A desire to try and stop the words coming out of the mouth. It can be a quick touch to the mouth, or a sustained rubbing across the mouth. Move the hand away from the mouth, lower down the face, under the chin, and this would be positive evaluation.

The finger across the top of the lip can be seen with the hand in many positions around the face. They all indicate critical analysis.

Shall I? Shalln't I? Will he? Won't he?

Stroking of the beard. Normally seen on men! Seriously, irrespective of the beard, the gesture is an evaluation signal. Generally a positive evaluation. It's a time for thought process. Women generally stoke the bottom of the chin with a thumb and forefinger.

People, who are long sighted and need their glasses for reading, will hold their glasses like a baton if they are in the habit of putting them on to read, and taking them off to look at you. Sucking the stem of the glasses is an evaluation gesture, rather than ‘stroking the beard.’ It is generally a positive evaluation of your ideas, suggestions, information or requests.

Many people misunderstand folded arms. She may feel comfortable with her arms folded. She may be cold. Considering the rules, if you've just said something she dislikes, or disagrees with, and she sits back, folds her arms and puts her chin down, you have a very negative signal, even if she is smiling.

Handshaking has a body language all of its own. Let's look at the more popular types.

WET FISH from a man this normally means an introvert, or a weak character, someone who is easily persuaded and likes to fit in.

With a woman it can be different; most women aren't taught how to shake hands. It was originally a macho thing originating from pre-historic arm wrestling days.

Only recently has it become normal (and that's generally in business) for women to shake hands. It's a relatively new thing, and most women are uncomfortable with it.

Here's a tip for those who are unsure how to shake hands. Imagine you are holding a rolling pin, or a hammer, to hit someone or something. That's about the strength of the handshake, and the shape of the hand.

When you go to shake hands, ensure you link the web between your thumb and forefinger, with the other person's web. First impression of the handshake speaks volumes. The wet fish handshake is often adopted by extroverted gay males also.

THE BONE CRUSHER handshake is used by macho dominant men. It's a show of strength and dominant character to the extreme. Often a case of, "Don't mess with me, I'm a hard man."

A NEUTRAL handshake should use the same pressure to hold say a hammer, a bat or a racquet. The hand should be 'neutral' neither palm up nor palm down. A palm up handshake indicates subservience. A palm down handshake indicates control.

The above drawings are a sequence of handshakes indicating degrees of warmth and passion. Please be aware that the hand is the third least erogenous zone to be able to touch. The handshake is a "cheat" which allows you to touch and make contact very quickly.

The least erogenous zone on a man is the lower arm, and the upper arm on a woman. The double handshake shows great warmth and passion. You would only do this with close friends, and people with whom you have deep sincere gratitude. As the other hand is moved up the arm to the shoulder it indicates further warmth and feeling.

The last picture with the hand on the shoulder, could also end with the arm over the shoulder. Anyone who gives you a handshake with two hands, when first meeting you, is likely to be insincere and overwhelming, or even deceitful.

The lowered steepling of the hands indicates listening, and can also be a negative confidence gesture.

The scratch to the back of the neck indicates either the neck itches or uncertainty.

Something you've said has left them uncertain, or they are uncertain that what they are telling you is correct, or even the truth. It could be they are lying also, depending on the gestures that accompany it. It can also mean remembrance.

Pulling the ear can be an ear itch. It can mean nervousness or deceit. It can mean a desire to shut out the words they are hearing, or the words aren't 'going in'. It may also indicate they've heard enough.

Hand clasping at a desk or in a chair on its own may indicate nervousness, insecurity or anxiety. Loosely clasped would be more like anticipation and the more tightly clasped they are, the more the anxiety.

Clasped hands in front of the body are a barrier signal, seeking reassurance. If the thumbs were steepled it would be a confidence gesture.

It will depend on what else is happening.

Here's the mother of all confidence gestures. This gesture can denote supreme confidence, even arrogance. Men, when evaluating and responding to women's ideas will often go into this position. The reply may even start with the arrogant little cough. The most supreme will be when the chair is tilted back onto two legs.

Crossed legs can be comfort, but often indicate negativity. Holding a clipboard in front of the chest at the same time will indicate negativity, a barrier signal, seeking reassurance, pushing you away.

Sat back with an arm over the chair will indicate lethargy. They maybe don't want to be there, and aren't giving you much attention.

Similarly the leg cocked over the chair will indicate indifference. The attention they are giving you is minimal, and you can be sure they won't respect your importance.

Here's another barrier signal we call the figure four seating position. It can be on the positive route. It normally indicates mild confrontation and stubbornness at that point.

It's unlikely you'll see this at interview, unless it's you. This is blatant territorial ownership. Claiming territory. It could easily be disregard of other people's territory if it were say your feet on someone else's desk.

Are you a finger pointer? You probably wouldn't know. You will definitely recognise someone who is. This is an aggressive gesture, indicating their hidden behaviour as being aggressive. It may not be the finger but be something subtler, like a pen. The finger comes out when people are being critical.

Watch for people's feet movements. A foot drawn back against the body indicates discomfort, anxiety or frustration. It could be with you, or with them .

Here's a neutral position. Sat upright, legs together, arms apart, possibly with the palms of the hands showing, indicating honesty and sincerity.

Glenn Harrison

Author/Coach/Trainer/Motivational Speaker
Certified Accredited Behavioural Analyst

Glenn Harrison is available as a world-wide, international motivational speaker to give a hilarious, educational speech on Body Language.

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